Life Update :)

So first of all, I know it has been FOREVER since I have posted anything but I had my reasons. When I first stated this blog I had every intention on posting regularly and whatnot but I lost the motivation for it. Also, there wasn’t much going on in my life to post about anyway but that is getting ready to change. For years I have suffered from anxiety and who knows what other mental issues and I have decided to seek professional help in dealing with it. I have tried to deal with it on my own and now realize that its not enough and I really don’t know what I’m doing. I also feel like God is showing me that this is the necessary next step in my journey in life. There is so much out there and it is time for me to get this part of myself in control so that I can experience it. I am excited about this new chapter of my life but also terrified. I have been this way for 30 years and to change it is scary but I know that it will be worth it in the end. Since I’ve made this decision I have spoken to a few people about it and the response has been positive and they told me about their experiences with therapists and how it has helped them. The encouragement and positive feedback is truly a blessing and confirmation that I made the right decision. I know it’s not going to be easy but I am ready for the ride because it is time for me to take my life back and find true happiness and peace. If you are going through a lot mentally/emotionally don’t be afraid to seek help. It doesn’t mean your crazy, it means you care about yourself and your mental heath and there is nothing wrong with that. Suicide is at an all time high especially with young people so please if your or someone you know is struggling, please don’t be afraid to seek help. Remember, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE STRONG, YOU CAN MAKE IT, and YOU WILL MAKE IT. Positive comments and feedback are always welcome as well as any questions or encouraging words, I hope this post helps someone who needs it and please share if you think it will help someone else out there. Be Blessed!! 🙂

PS. More updates on this journey to come I promise lol

Keep On Moving

 I know I’ve been gone for quite I while but I had a moment today and I felt the need to post. I, like every other Pentaholic was super excited to watch their Christmas special last night. It was amazing and obviously the killed it (if you don’t know who they are look them up). After word I started to feel a little down thinking to myself “Look at these people who are my age out here doing big things and look at me doing nothing.” But I pushed it away and thought nothing of it. This evening I really started to feel some type of way and I had to to take a minute because it really scared me. It felt like it did when I was going through the really bad part of my depression and I had to check myself . When I did I realized I was thinking the way I was because I comparing myself to someone who is on a completely different journey than me. This is something we do all the time as people we will see somebody doing better that us or in a better place and start putting ourselves down. You can’t do that because you spend so much time worrying about other people that you are missing your own blessings. Instead of comparing yourself to someone else use there success to motivate you to keep pushing forward. You may have to step outside of your comfort zone but its ok you will be glad you did and it will also cause more doors to be open for you. After I had this talk with myself I felt a little bit better and I calmed down a lot and I hope you will too. We just have to take it one day at a time and things will fall into place, the only way we fail is if we allow it. Remember you are stronger than you realize and you will make it through whatever you are going through just keep pushing forward and don’t give up!

Coming Soon

I FINALLY replaced my laptop so I will have new posts up soon I promise so stay tuned!

A New Start

I have been doing a lot better lately and I am so grateful. I’m also surprised at how fast I started feeling like myself again but all I can say is God is so good. I am by no means where I want to be but I’m definitely not where I used to be and that is a blessing. Praying and getting closed to God had really helped me on this journey. I can see and feel the changes in and around me and I’m excited but also a little scared. Im excited because it feels like finally the things I have been hoping and praying for are starting to happen and I am so ready. I am also afraid that something is going to happen to ruin it or Im going to do something wrong and miss out on something. Its a lot but God is right her with me and he has been answering my prayers and I cant thank him enough. I feel like now is the time for not just me but my whole family to change for the better. God has so much in store for us and I just want us to get to it. Ive seen some changes in my mom that are awesome, she actually had some show about the bible on today. I know God is working on her and touching her heart and I am so happy for that. My family had been through a lot and its time for growth and increase. I cant wait until we are successful, financially stable and truly happy because it has truly been a long time coming. We still have a way to go but we are off to a pretty good start and Lord willing will make all the way to that finish line 🙂 I pray that anyone reading this that may be going through a hard time God will make it it better and work a miracle in your life right now Amen.

The Time is Now

I have so many different emotions going through me right now it’s tough to keep it in check. I’ve taken a big step in my life today and it’s the start of a new journey for me. I’m ready for this because it’s time for this Imjust hope and pray everything falls into place like it’s supposed to. I feel like God is getting ready to do big things in my life and if I don’t make these changes I’m gonna miss out on some really great things. I also realize I can’t do it alone so I’m going to reach out to some people to help me on this journey and I hope they are willing to be there for me and help me get this ball rolling. Thinking about all the things that I need to change and what is to come is overwhelming and scary. I’m scared of failure and its effect on me because I don’t want to go to that place of depression again. But I have faith that God will get me where I need to be and everything will be ok. I just now that I am at a very critical place in my life and I don’t want to mess it up. I’m tired of the same old routine and ready for the new. Keep me in your prayers as I start this new chapter in my life. 

It’s Always Something and I am Tired of It

I had planned on posting something else but God had his own idea so here we go. I was trying to set everything up to do my blog post and of course my computer starts acting up. I was frustrated and pissed off trying to figure out what the problem was wrong and my frustration turned into something more. I started questioning things and feeling a way it was not cute. I finally had to stop and pull myself together and calm down because I was a mess. I came to the realization that I still have work to do on myself and the time is now. I’m tired of the same old life and I know God has so much in store for me and I don’t want to miss out. I also know this blog is what is going to get me where I want to be or at least the start I just need to put more into it and take it more seriously. It’s hard because I don’t have a whole lot going on the write about but I refuse to give in I have come to far to stop now. I know I’m close to a breakthrough I just have to keep pushing and I plan on doing just that. I feel much better now but I wanted to post anyway to let you know that you need to keep pushing towards whatever it is you want and it will happen. Things may get tough but you will make it have faith and you will get there I promise.  

Long Time Coming

Hey everyone I hope all is well with you guys, I have been pretty good. I think I am FINALLY ready to get back into this blogging thing on a regular basis. Lots of ideas have been coming to me and I have been writing them down and I am ready to share them. So much has happened recently I don`t even know where to start. I have been working all the time and once I get home I`m pretty tired but its totally worth it. A couple of weeks ago, my niece`s dad was murdered and that was a serious reality check for all of us. My mom and I`s biggest concern was the girls and how they were going to take the news of their dad`s passing. At first I didn’t think their mom was going to tell them because she kept BS-ing around about it, but finally before they went to his calling hours she sat them down and told them. I can`t even imagine telling a 5 and 6 year old their dad is dead its just awful. They understand it as much as any child their age can and my mom talked to them more in-depth about it and answered their questions about what happened as best she could. My heart also goes out to his teenage son who will become a man without his dad. Now that things are back to normal I think it`s time to take my blog more seriously and get back to business. So stay tuned I have much more to come 🙂

  Taiwan and his children R.I.P.

Parents, Get Your Children

I am going to start this off by saying that no, I am not a parent and these are just my opinion. The whole idea for this post came back when I was celebrating my birthday. I decided that I wanted to get a jacuzzi suite and have a quiet night away (or so I thought). After checking in and going to dinner we went back to the hotel and changed to go swim. Now everybody knows what its like using the hotel pool, and that night it was no different. It was quiet at first, but then all these kids showed up. I didn’t have an issue with the kids being in there, my issue was how loud they were and they were unsupervised. Some of them were teenagers but that’s not the point a parent or adult should have been with them. One of the people that worked for hotel had to tell them to stop running and eventually an adult showed up. I was over it so I went back to my room until the madness calmed down. Later that night on my to the front desk I noticed 2 of the younger kids that were swimming earlier were in the hallway riding a bike. Yes I said they were riding a bike, but that’s not the worst part these little girls who had to be about 4 and 7 were in the hallway by themselves while their parents were in the room with the door closed. As easily as I said a few nice words to them somebody could have snatched them up. What is so important in that room that you would put your child in danger. Its bad enough whenever you watch the news or read a paper there is another story of a child dying at the hands of a parent that is supposed to love them. I don’t even have children but when I do I would take my own life before I hurt or put them in danger. That`s why its hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that parents are doing this everyday. Another thing I want to talk about are the people that are supposed to be parents but they put their kids off on whoever will keep them. My nieces mom is like that and it pisses me off to see the way she is hurting those girls. Your children didn’t ask to be brought into this world, you had unprotected sex and conceived them. When they come into this world it is YOUR job to take care of them, not mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, or who ever its yours. It doesn’t matter how old they are it has an effect on them and it matters. When you have a child, life isn’t about you any more its about them, THEM. The bottom line is we need to do better for the children they are the future and they deserve better than they are getting.

Birthday’s and Blogs

Hey everybody I hope you are doing well despite the cold, snowy weather. I’m good just been working for the most part, finally getting used to working athgain. Thankfully the things that I was worried about concerning my job all worked out for the best, so I was stressed out for nothing. On the 23rd I celebrated my 27th birthday with family and it was great. There were a few that didn’t show up but I still had a good time. The jacuzzi suite that I got was amazing and it was nice to have a quiet night to myself to relax and unwind. I’m just one of those people that needs that alone time for my sanity and it came at just the right time. On another note I am really trying to blog more regularly it’s been a struggle though. I don’t get the alone/quiet time I used to and I don’t want to bore you guys talking about the same things all the time. So just bear with me and say a prayer that I can get through this block that I’m having and I can post more. So until next time be happy 🙂 lol

The Biggest Lessons I Have Learned in 2014

This year has been a lot for me but I am grateful for the journey because it taught and showed me so many things. First and probably the most important is to stop being so negative. As long as you let negativity fester and believe that things aren’t going to get better, they won’t. That was a big step in me getting over depression, I had to stop being so negative and all “Woe is me.” all the time. Once I did that it became easier to push through and get back to feeling like myself again. Another thing I learned this year is just how strong I truly strong I am. Looking back on not only this year but throughout my life, I’ve been through a lot and the fact that I’m still smiling is a blessing. I am so proud of myself and the growth I have seen in me its amazing. The last thing is to let go and let God, it sounds so simple but its probably one of the hardest things to do. When things get tough, its hard to not stress out and say “Ok God I know you got this, it’s gonna be ok.” I struggle with this even now, but it does get easier the more you watch God work in your life. All in all this year has been quite the experience for me and I can’t wait to see what is in store for next year.

Hope you guys have a safe and fun new year 🙂